课例学习:秦雨老师——海淀区高三英语试卷讲评段落写作逻辑 Elaborating a paragraph with dual-perspective strategy
ps: 老师们可以下载b站的课例视频，上传到钉钉的识记，就能有逐字稿啦！这堂课是北京海淀区高三试卷评讲的写作课。老师的功底太厉害了，各方面素养简直是我要努力的方向！写作模式适合我应用在常规课中，多让学生互相评价、修改，对文章逻辑和内容有更大的帮助！以学生的职业选择统计数据作引入，而且师生之间的互动轻松幽默。学生之间很熟悉，这个环节很有意思。学生之前已经完成了一篇关于未来career choice的作文，这节课作评讲。
T: Class begins. Good afternoon, class. Please be seated. Today we are going to explore the art of elaborating a paragraph by using a very powerful strategy called dual perspective strategy. But before we do that, let's see something interesting. Do you still remember that one of your recent writing assignments is to talk about the preparations for your future career, right? And let's have a look. It seems that we have many of my future colleagues, I remember in the subject of Chinese English History and even Physics, but no one mentioned. Yes, unfortunately, no one mentioned Math. So don't break the news to Mister Hou, okay? And we also have potential writers and novelists in. Seniors social science experts like psychologists geographer or historian etc and we also have doctors lawyers and one curator lanqing and one photographer xiaoliang one reporter yuexin and of course the director yes chen yuan ge. 
Now let's take a closer look at what some of your peers have envisioned for their future career. Okay, I've selected three drafts we're going to examine these three drafts to better understand how to make our paragraphs logically structured. To get us started, I would like to offer a demonstration first to show what we are looking for. OK? So let's see students' A's first draft. To fulfill my ambition, I would first spare no effort in classroom learning since currently learned knowledge serves as the foundation of a future development, Besides reading magazines, magazines about AI may also provide extra information that benefits my dream.
老师引导学生怎样去评价作文。
Usually we have to identify the main points and elaboration first. so let's see the first main point is classroom learning. you agree? And however, the second main point is reading magazines.
So what's the issue here? Because I want you to focus on the logic between different points. You see, the first point is valid, is developed reasonably well, and provides a clear explanation of its importance.
Right? However, the second argument is about reading magazines. Have you noticed that the two main points are kind of. yes, imbalanced exactly imbalanced because reading magazines is more like a specific example, right? so what's the suggestion? I suggest rephrasing the second point by employing a like extracurricular. Perfect, you read my mind.I suggest we rephrasing the second point, yes, by employing a higher level concept, right? A higher level concept like extracurricular reading, but at the same time AI magazines is also kept as an example in the elaboration of this point.以第一份学生案例为例之后，老师把时间交给学生去讨论剩下的两份作品。T: Okay, so you know that we focus on the logic of different points, and now it's your turn. You have one minute to finish reading the following two drafts. Okay, try to focus on the. Logic between different points. Okay you have two minutes to exchange your ideas with your desk mate.
Okay，any volunteers？Can anyone assist in evaluating the draft of student B？
S：
The writer presented three points in its first draft. And um，the first and second point is about our reading，and uh we we would like to rephrase，we would like to incorporate the first two uh。Points because we believe he was trying to talk about the same thing, which is extensive reading.
So and we would like to keep the elaboration and details in the first two points. And as for the third point, we would like to rephrase the expression into practice writing in person, and also we would like to add some elaboration for this point. So we have come up with several expressions. like equipme with hands-on writing experiences and theoretical skills, so as to form some connection between the and how this point can help the student become a historian.
老师在这里先肯定这个女生的回答，接着作出的引导也很自然。yes, totally agree. please be seated. Gave her a round of applause. Any additional insights? Well, I think great minds think alike. I totally agree with her that we can first combine the two points because it seems that the central, the main idea is centered around academic preparation, right? The main idea centered around academic preparation through reading, including books, essays, and some authentic or historical materials like letters, right? so this central idea is very clear with enough specific details and explanation. However, the second potential helpful approach is about writing notes and essays blurred, so it's not explicitly presented in the paragraph. Therefore, we want to work out a clearer plan for her to revise. Have you noticed that the first point, academic preparation especially highlighted by reading things, is a kind of input? Right? Try to absorb information. However, the second approach of writing notes and essays is a kind of output practice exactly.
So I think it will be more effective to start and elaborate this paragraph if we can show this two-fold approach, this two-fold preparation in an explicit way, right? Highlighting input and output. Otherwise, the paragraph, the logic of it will be ambiguous. That is ambiguity. Not clear, not explicitly presented. Very good, thank you for suggestion.
And let's move to the last one. Any good ideas? the last one to be an English teacher. It is similar to the one of the student A, like the first point is reading newspapers and novels in English, that is reading, and the second point is basically teaching. But so the student C, so he or she uses teach my grandmother what I have learned in class, so. Compared to those reading newspapers and novels in English, I seem difficult a little bit. I could say balance or the second point is too specific, like we don't need that. I could just say like I will teach others what have learning class and that would be fun.
Yes, the subject is so limited, right? It's so targeted. My grandma is the only choice, no one else, no one else can help me improve my communication skills or help me accumulate teaching experience.
Right? So it's so targeted, we can try to omit the subject, right? And also other parts that can be improved, try to be critical now. Any parts? Feel free to voice your opinion that this paragraph was very logical and well structured, starting from reading, moving to teaching, which is often referred to as theory and practice pattern, right? Theory and practice pattern. However，give it a second thought，you will see reinforcement of what I've learned in class. It seems that both the act of reading and teaching contributes to the same purpose. Of the language development, right? So if you give it, if you observe closer, you will see the message overlapping in this first draft. So what is the suggestion? If the writer started with a very clear plan that serve a different purpose, for example we can rewrite the second point like um besides i will try to practice or engage in teaching.for example my grandmother or for example my younger sister maybe is a better choice. Because it contributes for it contributes to my English communication skills, and help accumulate hands-on teaching experience right something like that. So this version can highlight the practical aspect. In this approach, do you agree to highlight the practical aspect? Because the clear plan, the clear pattern is theory and practical or theoretical. A Theoretical Approach And A Practical ApproachAnd so as to avoid message overlapping.
在这个地方，老师通过带领大家分析三份案例识别并总结出写作的逻辑错误：imbalance、ambiguity、overlapping。
Dear class, given that we have examined three three drafts together, and i believe you noticed some common issues. the first draft lacked balance. the second draft had some ambiguity, and the third draft had message overlapping, and these are exactly the aspects the issues that dual perspective strategy can help address. so please take some notes now. let's see what is dual perspective strategy. 就此引出dual perspective strategy，引领思想高度。
The definition of dual perspective strategy is to consider two distinct but interrelated viewpoints because dual please read after me dual it means two or two fold right so you need you can you and you are encouraged to think about different various aspects or dimensions of a topic but at the end of the day you have to nail down on two right. So as to be efficient in examinations, right? Two distinct but interrelated viewpoints: for example, the input and output pattern. It seems that input and output are contrasting, but they complement each other to form a whole cycle of learning. Right? Complement each other to form a whole cycle of learning. So the purpose of dual perspective strategy is to create a more balanced and well-rounded discussion or understanding of a certain topic, a balanced and well-rounded.For example, if we talk about the outdoor activities and indoor activities, they two together can create a whole set of activities, right? A well-rounded discussion. And what are the typical patterns? Well, we have summarized several typical patterns like classroom learning and extracurricular reading, input-output theory and practice, etc, and you are going to explore more patterns in the second part. But before we move on, I want to draw your attention that dual perspective strategy is very valuable and powerful, effective, but it's not the first strategy that we've learned as to the elaboration of paragraphs. Exactly peel. So would you please tell us what's the meaning of peel? 这里带着学生回顾之前的PEEL法则，Point(general opinion or a main point)+Explanation +Elaboration+Linking back (the reinforcement of your key opinion)。非常好的衔接过渡。So we use peel strategy to better understand complex, difficult paragraphs, right? And sometimes in essay question, question number forty three, we use peel strategy to elaborate a paragraph. But here today, I would like to introduce this strategy. A new one strategy called the dual perspective strategy, because it's more effective in certain scenarios for some certain topics. Okay, and you see that I've listed four questions for you. Let's try to try to explore the use of this strategy. I want you to read these four questions and think about the dual perspective patterns that can be employed. To answering these questions, do you understand now? You have minutes to think about it. 老师在这里给出了四个考试情景，让学生头脑风暴，可能会有哪些双重模式？和学生生成课堂的过程充满了思维碰撞的爽感，我听得也爽！T: I've noticed some novel ideas of you. I think I'll give you several minutes to brainstorm together, okay? Exchange your ideas together. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, I see what is difficult for you because I know you've have some inspiring points, but you don't know how to come up with a kind higher level. Concept to summarize that kind of aspect, right? Let's have a try because I'm here to help. Okay, the first question: when we talk about the benefits of reading, what kind of pattern the dual perspective pattern can you use? That is, you have a lot of different dimensions to think about, but you have choose one. Sorry, you have to choose two. A kind of well-rounded understanding of the topic. Any volunteers? Good.S：Well, I think reading can provide opportunity for us to think some insightful questions, and we can gain deeper empathy of others through reading. T: Can get deeper empathy of others, right? Deeper empathy, you know empathy. Yes, compassion, right? So you will be compassionate if you are a regular reader, right? Go on.
You can get new strategies to deal with problems.
Okay, so will be on yourself, right? You get inner power, you get power within. And then you can also reach out to help others, right? Very good to help others or to better understand others. Good, this is a good point. Any others? I believe there are more possible patterns that can be employed.
You also have problems struggling with Chinese. Okay, this grammar thank you very much. So how can we generalize these two aspects? Knowledge and skills, good knowledge and skills right? So you're exposed to diverse knowledge, and then you can sharpen your skills particularly in writing, right? Thank you very much, knowledge and skills.
More insightful ideas?
S: I think there are short term benefits and long term benefits of reading. Like, for example, the short term benefits can be, it can provide us with relaxation or something. And long term benefits can include. um, it can help us develop some critical thinking skills.
thank you very much. so short term or long term? or we can say. uh, present impact and future impact right? present and future. But I firmly believe that short term and long term is also a good phrase, okay? To be more specific, you said that reading can provide a kind of can serve as a kind of leisure, right? So it's also for the purpose of recreational purpose.
Recreational purpose, just to be relaxed, right? Recreational read for fun, and in the long term, if you are a regular reader and you keep yourself updated with some intellectual information, and it will contribute to your long-term development, right? As recreational or kind of personal development, we call that. Uh，academic development or professional development？Which one do you prefer？And also at the beginning, at the very first, Qiao Meijin mentioned that the personal gains and the social impact, right? Personal and social. Let's put it here.
Thank you very much. So these are basically the possible patterns: recreational purpose, educational purpose, for personal development or professional development. These are similar and present benefit or future benefit, and also personal enrichment and societal impact.
Here I have a different understanding of the societal impact because you know reading usually means reading books. And the books always preserve the culture, civilization, right? So reading is also an indispensable part of education. So if you read. Indeed, you are actually making contribution to the society. Okay, now let's move to the second. So any ideas for the benefits of laughing? Good. The last one, in addition to pranking, do you remember the meaning of prank? Yes, because we once distinguished the difference between prank and mischief, right? So prank is some naughty behavior with the intention of being funny instead of harming someone else, right? Good. Let's see what other ways to strengthen the relationship with family members. Any ideas? So there is a reason that I save this for the last one, right? Okay, let's see. Usually for everyday interactions, we can try to be patient, be respectful, right? Be caring. However, on some special occasions, we can remember to surprise our family members in a good way so as to form a closer bond with each other. Okay，thank you very much。These are basically some patterns you can employ when answering certain questions. Let's add it here everyday or daily and special occasions. And let's take our thinking to a next level and try to put. So many patterns into logical groups, okay? And I suggest that we put all these patterns in a group and we call it complementary pattern, complementary pattern. So one compliment the another, and the two work together to form a whole picture of the topic. Right? Compliment complementary. Complementary pattern. Well, as for this personal social, personal interpersonal and our everyday interaction to some special occasions, we call it expanding perspective pattern, expanding. That is from a narrow and individual aspect to a more, to a broader social or general aspect, right? That is expanding perspective pattern. I hope this kind of generalization, another higher level concept, can help us better understand all this kind of. That we can use to solve different questions.Okay, so far so good. Thank you very much. And now based on the draft evaluation in the first part and our brainstorm different patterns in the second part, it's time for you to move to the part. And I want you to contribute your wisdom to this part, that is you are expected to rewrite a paragraph based on the original one of student A, B or C, and remember to incorporate the dual perspective strategy. In your writing, my version of the student draft, you version with the original one. You see, instead of using doing extra curricular reading, I use engage in. Do you remember the meaning of engage in? What's the difference between this one from, for example, join in? What's the difference? Deeper involvement, right? Yes, engage in shows your deeper involvement. More active involvement, and I changed the word from information to insights to show that instead of just collecting some trivial or superficial information, you want some valuable, some deep understanding of the area, and also keep me updated. You remember this phrase? Right? We talked about it, used it yesterday. With cutting edge information, the newest, the latest information you see. This is the standard I hope that you can achieve in your second draft for student B and student C. All right, and in order to be more effective, I would like to divide the whole class into two groups: students, students in the yellow area, you're responsible for the student B's second draft, understand? So you are talking about the preparations to be a historian and the students, the rest of the class in blue area, you focus on. Students see the English teacher's preparation, understand before the group discussion. Take several minutes to rewrite it individually by yourself on your own. Okay. 这个地方老师解释了为什么要替换某个词，修改的角度是什么？join in换成engage in可以体现参与的深度，information换成insight可以体现对于事物有深度的思考力和洞察力，而不是收集皮毛零碎的信息。我平时上写作课也要多模仿呀！T: Would you please read for us later? Would you please read for us later? I'd like to invite two of you to share your second drafts. First of all, Yuyang, please come up to stage. Read as loudly as you can and take your time, okay?S: And I work on Passive C, and I split the passage into two parts, which are at present and in the future. So I will read my work. At present, my primary goal is to read papers, magazines, and novels in English as much as possible. It will equip me with effective skills in language arts and English comprehension. When I am ready, I can engage in voluntary English teaching programs for younger students, not only to gain hands-on experience on teaching, but also try to shoulder the duty of a teacher, which is vital for me in my later career. Wow! T: Thank you so much. What is the strength in my opinion? You see, she elaborated a lot of examples, specific actions, different kinds of reading that she can do right. So because of these specific examples, her writing is very convincing. Still, there is room for improvement because I think we can use a word, a higher concept like extensive reading for the first point. Extensive reading including incorporating magazines, essays right? Instead of starting your main point like'I should read essays, magazines or books', we use extensive reading. Engage in extensive reading. Thank you very much. NT, what's your point? What's your idea of the third draft? S:There are many things I can do to make my dream come true. To begin with, I could learn English grammar and culture through extensive reading. Besides, I could teach others what I've learned in English, strengthening my understanding of the key points in classes while developing my spoken English as well. T: Thank you very much. Keywords, important concepts highlighted and with elaborated details. Thank you very much. Perfect. So ladies and gentlemen, to wrap up our class, I have two things to stress: I have two things to share. The first one being logical is very important for a successful paragraph, but it is only one aspect we are looking for. For example, specific examples, concise language, impactful expressions, and clear handwriting—all of these elements play vital roles for successful paragraph. So it's a long way to go, but I'm with you. And then you see that dual perspective strategy is only one of many paragraph elaboration strategies. We've learned appeal and now we've learned dual perspective strategy. But still, remember that the strategy is to inspire your thinking, not to limit your creativity. Okay, so when you are faced with a writing assignment, you have to choose the best strategy that best suits your writing purpose, your specific goal. Okay, thank you very much. Let's call it a day. Thank you very much for your commitment. Goodbye. you are free to go now. thank you very much. 最后这个地方最触动我的是，老师说的这句标亮的话。任何策略或者方法都是为了激发促进我们的思考，而非限制我们的创造力。
